Beer, Bisexuality, and Basic Courtesy
by ilarual
Summary: In which Cana has a bone to pick regarding the events on Tenrou Island, and Freed is a devastatingly easy target for teasing. Freed and Cana friendship with a bit of drive-by Fraxus.


**A/N-** I discovered while writing this that Cana is quite literally the most delightful character to write for. It's damn near impossible to keep a smile off her lips, and she's so clever and just... well, I never want to write dialogue for anyone else ever again, everything else is forever going to be a letdown after working with Cana.

* * *

It didn't occur to her until the second round of the S-Class trial was already underway, but it did eventually dawn on Cana that there was something very, very wrong with the image of Freed blushing and stuttering when confronted with women in bikinis. The situation on the island escalated before she could really go over it in her head, however, and it wasn't until after the whole ordeal was over― eighteen hours or seven years later, depending on how you looked at it― that she had a moment to realize what the issue was.

And once she did put the pieces together… well, it became pretty apparent that Freed had thrown their duel. He had intentionally let her win. She didn't know why, but she didn't like it, and she intended to make her disapproval known.

Getting Freed alone took some work. Prying the Raijinshuu― and Freed especially― off Laxus after they all woke up on Tenrou Island took far more effort than it was worth, and once or twice Cana just thought about confronting him publicly. But she wasn't quite that much of an asshole, so she waited. It took almost two weeks after their return to Magnolia for to catch him alone, but finally one evening, in the middle of a full guild hall, she found her opportunity. Laxus and Evergreen were preoccupied with his grandfather and her "secret" boyfriend, respectively, so once she convinced Natsu to challenge Bixlow to a staring contest, she had the rune mage more or less to herself. She armed herself with a pint of beer in each hand and approached.

" _So. Freed_ ," she purred, sliding backwards onto the bench behind him and pushing his book out of his hands. She leaned back on the bench, elbows resting on the tabletop behind her, and gave him a look that nearly everyone in the guild knew meant _run_.

Freed, to her delight, was made of sterner stuff than Gray or Elfman, and stood his ground. "Yes?" he asked, eyeing the two tankards of beer she had deposited in the gap between them with an appropriate amount of caution.

"I know you let me win during the S-Class trial," she said bluntly. He opened his mouth to protest, but she pressed a finger against his lips to silence him before reaching for her beer. "Don't deny it! I must have been more stressed than I thought, because I can't believe I fell for it at the time. 'Weak against women in skimpy clothes?' _Freed. Honey_. I've known you since you were fourteen."

She didn't make it difficult to see what she was getting at, and Freed went approximately the same color as his coat. "Is it really that obvious?" he asked, voice strained.

Cana smirked into the rim of her mug. "Well," she said slyly, "I don't think Natsu's figured it out."

Freed sighed and reached resignedly for the other beer. "I'm surprised Mira hasn't been trying to set me up with Max or something," he said.

Cana cut a surprised glance his way. "Wait, is Max gay?"

He shrugged, sipping disinterestedly at the brew. "I have no idea. Seems like the kind of match she would dream up, though."

She laughed. "Oh please, everyone in the guild knows there's only one man for you."

Cana was quite pleased with herself when Freed choked.

Slapping him heartily on the back, she basked in the small victory and added, with a cheeky grin, "I gotta say, you have excellent taste."

He looked adorably sullen when he turned to glare at her. "I appreciate the sentiment," he said dryly.

"Hey, let a girl have her fun, will ya?" she said, and though she was still smiling, a cooler note crept into her voice. "You owe me a few laughs after how you made a fool out of me on Tenrou."

Freed was clearly caught off-guard. "I didn't mean―"

"I know you didn't," she cut him off, meeting his eyes squarely, "but you didn't fight me seriously. As if I couldn't win on my own merits, without you babying me."

"Cana…"

"S-Class missions are dangerous. If I wasn't able to advance through the trial without an easy pass from you, I'd have no business being S-Class in the first place."

He looked positively flabbergasted, and Cana took a moment to revel in how many different ways she had succeeded in discomposing such a controlled person in the space of less than five minutes.

"I hadn't thought of it that way."

"Figured as much," she said. "Just… don't underestimate me, alright? Or Lucy, for that matter. I know you don't know her well, but she's more powerful than she looks. _Way_ more powerful, if you can trust anything that comes out of Loke's mouth. So don't treat us with kid gloves, alright?"

He met her gentle chastisement with a nod of acknowledgement. "I should know by now that the women of his guild are star-forged steel," he remarked.

"Spare me the poetry, prettyboy, or I might just have to tell everyone about all the Laxus merch you keep in your closet."

Freed yelped. "H-How do you even know about that?"

She chuckled. "My old man ain't the only one with a casual relationship with walls."

"Wait, you broke into my house?!"

Cana threw back her head and laughed madly as several faces swiveled towards them in response to Freed's outraged cry. "No, idiot, that's way too much work," she said. As soon as Freed had relaxed, she added, "I just asked Laki."

Freed's eyes widened in the most horrorstruck look she'd ever seen him wear. " _Laki has been in my house?_ " he whispered, face bloodless.

"Laki's been in _everyone's_ house," Cana said dryly. "She really needs a hobby. Or a good lay. Either way." She made a mental note to get Mira working on a new partner for Laki, because she had already taken that one for the team once and once had definitely been enough. She was _not_ up for another round in Laki's "pleasure room."

Freed, however, had other preoccupations. "So, has she…?" He leaned in closer, lowering his voice still further. "Does that means she's told anyone else―?"

"That you're a huge nerd who has a poster of his boyfriend taped to the bottom of his mattress?" she teased.

Freed went vividly scarlet once again and faceplanted on the table.

"Nah, don't worry," she said, taking pity on him at last. "Laki plays her cards close to her chest. I'm just very persuasive."

"And the current that turns the guild's rumor mill, apparently," he added miserably.

She tweaked one of his lightning bolt hair spikes playfully. "That's right. So you better be nice to me, bucko."

He turned towards her and sat up again, one eyebrow raised in wry query. "I thought you wanted me to go all out if we fight again."

"Since when is respecting me not considered nice?" she shot back.

"Touché."

Cana raised her beer. "To a future rematch?"

He finally managed to match her grin and tapped his tankard against her own. "To beating you fair and square."

"We'll see about that!" she retorted, and downed the rest of her drink in one long swig. And since he had been so gracious about being called on his bullshit, she decided to throw him a bone. "Oh, and about Laxus, I think you've got a shot."

Freed's answering smile was sincere but bittersweet. "Kind of you to say, but Laxus doesn't date."

It was a fair enough point. As far as Cana knew― and she _would_ know, she and her cards liked to stay on top of the romantic goings-on of all the guild members― Laxus hadn't been on a date since he was sixteen. He'd gone through a brief flurry of one-night stands several years ago, before he turned twenty, but for ages his focus had been on proving himself outside of his grandfather's reputation; apparently whatever the hell training he put himself through didn't leave a whole lot of time for a social life. Not that that was a shock. "Laxus" and "social life" were not two concepts that went well together in Cana's mind.

"What does he need to date, for?" she asked with a fluttery wave of her hand. "He's got you following him all over the continent, doesn't he?"

Freed sighed, and she could swear his spikes drooped. She'd managed to make him mopey. _Fantastic._

"I do appreciate it, Cana, but Laxus isn't gay," he said.

"You're right, he's not," she replied, leaning back with a sly grin on her face. Freed gave her a look that stated in no uncertain terms that he found her amusement distasteful in the extreme, but she wasn't done.

"But I have extremely keen bisexual senses," she added. "I can always sense my own kind."

Freed's eyes widened in surprise. "You're―?"

She scoffed. "Where've _you_ been? I'm even less subtle about it than you, dummy!"

"Oh."

" _Yeah_ , 'oh,'" she said. "Like it or not, I've known Laxus a lot longer than you have, and trust me when I say that boy swings both ways."

Freed looked as if he'd just discovered religion. "I never thought of that," he said slowly, staring into his tankard as if he'd never seen beer before.

Cana chuckled and ruffled his hair. "For such a smart guy, there's a lot of things you haven't thought of, Freed. Now what say you buy me another drink and I teach you how to seduce a man of few words?"


End file.
